Reasons why is it important to process your pain

The human brain is very complex. Neuroscientists are still exploring as the brain is not fully understood. Every individual is different and so are their emotions and emotional responses to different events in their lives. The way we respond to fear, pain or shock may be different for any individual. I am no scientist or a doctor to talk about the reasons or connections to the brain, but I would like to share my own thoughts based on my experience.

There is a reason why there are different kinds of specialties in this field so that we can take help. While I do understand that in India there is still a lack of awareness, but I also see people around me trying to understand it. Taking professional help does not mean that someone is mad, it means that they are smart enough to understand that there is a problem and strong enough to work on it with some help. So, whenever you feel different or you see that there is some part of you that needs improvement, there is nothing wrong with taking the help.

I saw a very good example yesterday in a TV series where a guy was known to sabotage his relationships, his happiness every time. After a lot of resistance and constant push by his sister, he finally went to a specialist and through the neuro-emotional technique, he was able to understand the reason behind his problem. When he was 10 years old, he won a trophy in a competition. He felt extremely proud, excited and very happy to share the joy with his parents. When he reached home, he came to know that his father passed away and he never told about his trophy to anyone ever. As a 10-year-old, he felt guilty of feeling happy when he lost his father the same day. A child of his age did not understand that he did not know about his father when he was filled with joy on winning the trophy and feeling happy was not his fault. Since then, he was so scared to be happy that he felt emotionally unsafe around joy and ended up ruining it.

After the therapy, there was a clarity in his thoughts and merely by talking about it, he drained the baggage which he carried unknowingly for years. This happens to a lot of people. Some people are aware of the reasons behind a certain behavior, some are not.

Through this example, I am not commenting on how therapy works because that is not my job. I am trying to imply that it is very important to process the emotions. Now that I have a normal environment around me since I moved to Tampa and an ample amount of time to introspect myself, I am realizing that the processing of emotions is very important. Some of us choose to share them with their friends or family, some take therapy. I have started to process my emotions through series which involves love, marriage, divorce, heartbreak, death, accidents and so many other events which invoke a different kind of emotions. Having an intense personality, watching these series gives my feelings a way out and I feel lighter. I feel like I have shared my pain. This experience is similar to talking about it to a friend, only not getting judgments and ‘I told you so’ lines or expressions. It acts as a sponge that absorbs my pain exactly in the same way I want to, which helps me.

This is my way of processing emotions. Similarly, every individual should find a way to process their own feelings else you may end up creating a lot of baggage inside you, which someday, will break you and others in your life very badly.

There are times in my life, when I need such people in my life with whom I can share anything without listening to the things that I did right or wrong, without being told that this is my habit and weakness and I should change it, for this is the reason of my condition today. I have a friend who doesn’t know how to share things. I tried all different ways for him to come up with a way to share his pain with me or anyone in his life, but I failed to do so. He is in a lot of pain and I feel so helpless. I sometimes feel like yelling at him, telling him that he is lucky that he is being offered a platter on which he can bare his soul for once and can see the difference. I wish he can start opening up to someone sometime soon.

Share this post to all who you think are scared to be vulnerable, afraid to share and process their emotions. Take it from someone, who has always opened up and turned her vulnerability to her biggest strength as this makes it possible to know who actually cares about you and is ready to be with you during your darkest hours. Because those who can be with you in your darkness are worthy to be a part of your life. They love you even when you hit rock bottom, they are certainly keepers. 

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